just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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