based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
