so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
