Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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