It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
