dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
where are my eyebrows?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
