I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
