people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
