he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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