i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
