We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
