why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
