I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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