the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
