Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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