Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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