the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
