the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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