Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
