Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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