I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
