i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
