You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
