My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
