How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
only if we run a train.
done.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
