Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
