The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
