After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
