yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
