do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
