So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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