it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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