I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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