he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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