just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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