everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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