i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
