my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
