Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
