You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
