I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Bring me that man meat
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
