omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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