I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
