Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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