Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
