What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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