Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
