please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
