last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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