Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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