I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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