You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
