THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
