why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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