we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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