Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
