that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
