Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he just fucked me for my cheese..
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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