you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...