when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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