I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
