$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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