Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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