I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
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First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
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Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Nobody cheats on THIS.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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